a christmas eve experiment
Have fun deciphering my handwriting, y’all!
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But we all know what happens when you assume, right?
That was a fun read. I’m not sure that I have any words of wisdom on inactivity vs. productivity–only that giving ourselves tons of grace is probably called for.
I need you to keep saying this to me, Leah! Thanks for weighing in 🙂
I agree with Leah about the tons of grace. I’m so tired at the moment that I’ve temporarily given up on much of what I think of as ‘necessary’ because it feels impossible. It’s my annual rest time, and grieving takes energy too. Plus. I’m questioning much of my belief system these days, such as, productivity and a worthwhile life should be sentence buddies. They should, of course, sometimes, and yet, a worthwhile life may consist not only of actively creating and building, but also of examining the actual state of things, e.g. depression, and being curious about its wisdom. Question mark, question mark, question mark love.
I am so tired at the moment, and giving up on things I consider necessary, but not giving myself any quarter for it (as we can all see from the above). I don’t know why I’m fighting myself but I’m curious to hear how others handle this ugly basket of feelings. Or maybe it’s a wonderful, awe-full basket? I don’t know why I’m so compelled to pin adjectives to it all.
I wish I could give you the most massive hug, Ellen. You’ve been handed such a lot to grapple with right now. Wishing you all comfort and joy and rest and creative renewal for 2026, and always. x
Today I heard the question below on a radio program I was listening to. The question itself is layered, more than is apparent here, I think, and the answer more layered still. It may be a question that lasts me the entire year, as I turn it over and examine possible replies. It’s only what we’ve already been saying here on this page, Nancy, yet I leave it with you as a succinct expression of (our) confusion.
“How do we begin to trust rest and stillness and joy as a measure of self-worth?”
This is an excellent question, Ellen, and I’d love to ponder it with you for as long as it takes for us to grow comfortable with the angles and insights and answers. xo
Nancy, I struggle with the need to be “productive” all the time. Women are too hard on ourselves. My surgery forced me to slow down. I actually cooked a variety of meals. I read every Christmas letter, twice, and wrote thoughtful replies. I attended my great grandson’s 3rd birthday party and stayed until everyone was leaving. I watched movies. It has been joyful and I’m keeping up the JOY!
Laurie, if these are examples of you slowing down post-surgery, I’m not sure you’re a very good spokesmodel!! Although you are, in so many other ways, a great role model and champion of women. I hope you’re feeling okay. Sending you the most massive virtual hug.
The blog post readers are speaking alright, and I’m glad to be a part of it. The easy answer is, “look at the date of the journal entry.” You wrote this at a time where all the everything was happening and “coming to a close” (but not really because we’re the same people 11 days later.) The end of December is the convergence of “get all the everythings done for all the everyones!” We don’t quantify societies level of burnout, but I’ll bet it was somewhere around eleventy billion, right?
The other answer is “go with what your gut is telling you.” We’re drawn to the things we desire and need (like creativity, relaxation, televised diversion), and repel ourselves away from the stuff of yuck (like the evil, soul-crushing, yet necessary J-O-B.) Sometimes, the yuck overwhelms and destroys the good parts and like any injury, they need to heal in order to thrive. I know there have been times where the bad stuff was present, butt my soul kept the niceties strong enough to thrive under those conditions. (Hell, that’s what led me to the #5amWritersClub and I’m all the better for it.) Knowing the source of your emotions in the moment is most of the battle. How you handle that information will show if you’re in control of the feelings, or if they are in control of you.
Be kind to yourself and the right thing to do will grab your attention.
Thanks so much, Jay – you’re saying a lot of really important things here. I’m just letting myself rest, and trying to ride all the dissonance out, but it’s hard.
‘Niente senza gioia’ …. what a beautiful thought!
It is now Sunday, 4 January, almost two weeks since you posted your lovely post above. I’ve kept your email in my inbox until I had time to relax and read what you had written with the time and attention you deserve. I don’t get ANY awards for speed of processing! but I do get great pleasure this sunny Sunday afternoon reading and hearing your voice above, pondering with you the great dialectics of our existence.
I hope you are finding the joy this afternoon in the sunlight, the quiet, the spacious beginning to our new year.
Niente senza gioia is the motto of the (very famous in early childhood circles) preschool programs of Reggio Emilia, Italy. I use it as a bit of a mantra, too, when I have the presence of mind to remember it. Leah said once, something along the lines of, that’s all we have to strive for, really, is being happy, and that was such a startling thing to hear. Not that I’m ever seeking to be unhappy, but that I’m operating under the assumption that some of the worthwhile things require aggro before getting to the good parts. Would love to discuss this with the two of you at our next literary saloon!! xx